Vanilla Nice Nice Baby

It’s counterproductive to reject nice guys, isn’t it? Yet I’ve apparently been doing just that, turning away perfectly good guys because they didn’t introduce themselves as I would have hoped.

I added a brief paragraph to my profile which explained that I won’t respond to messages where someone just writes “hello” or they stick to small talk. The next morning, I woke up to a few messages, one of which was someone saying “hello” and nothing more. My friend tried telling me that guys who do that are just trying to see if you’re still using your account. From my experience, if a guy just says “hello,” all of his other responses are going to use as few words as possible, and he isn’t the kind of guy who’s looking for a relationship or to date me.

I started talking again to one guy I had previously stopped responding to, because I didn’t have the best feeling about him. All I could say was that he was way too positive and happy. The problem is, what’s wrong with that? I saw my future as one where he would open the curtains in the room, and it would be a beautiful day outside, and he’d greet me with a warm and bubbly “good morning!” but I would pull the covers over my head and beg for five more minutes while groaning. I couldn’t really place my finger on a reason why I wasn’t into him, until I had started talking to him again. This time, he would talk about things we could do if he and I were hanging out, but then he would never ask me out. I made the mistake of giving him my cell phone number, because then he was constantly texting me during the day and I couldn’t get anything done. In the morning he would leave me a good morning text, and at night he would give me a good night text with the kissing emoji or the kissing touch message (we both have iPhones). The kissing emoji bothered me as we weren’t a couple, never mind the fact that we haven’t met in person yet. This guy was either overly confident or didn’t think that I had other options (not being with anyone is always an option).

This chapter ends with the question, “do you wear socks to bed?” It baffles me why anyone would think to ask such a question, especially before meeting a person. To me, it’s something you should find out as you watch someone get into bed, and then you ask, “oh, you wear socks to bed?” If someone does that, they’re either self-conscious about their feet (poor circulation, rough skin, weird toenails) or maybe they like to keep their feet a bit warmer. To answer the question, which I didn’t do at the time, I do not wear socks to bed. I actually prefer feeling the bedsheets touching the skin of my legs and feet. Covering more skin than necessary feels to me like putting a rubber glove on your hand and then sticking your gloved hand into a bucket of water; you can feel the presence of the water, or of the bedsheets, but you’re feeling it through another material. In that sense, I suppose it’s a matter of intimacy for me, and that’s the reason why I was put off by a question about socks in bed.

I shouldn’t have started talking to that guy again. I already felt like something was off, and my intuition wasn’t wrong about that. I listened to my friend who suggested I should be with someone who worships me, and that was my main reason for giving him a second chance. It made me think of what I’m like when I’m in love. I need to be a giver of some sort, I can’t just expect my partner to give me things and do things for me. I want to cook and bake, I want to find things at the store and bring them home because I know my partner will enjoy them, and I want to make sure my partner is happy. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to meet someone who understands me well enough to bring home what I might buy for myself, or they listen to me or otherwise pay attention and then preemptively pick up groceries or other essential items. I would love to have something like that, because it would challenge me to try and figure out what I can do for them. I might end up giving them things they can’t use, but if it matters more that something came from me or was made by me, then I’ll know they appreciate me if they use it in place of what they already have. That kind of worship, I wouldn’t mind.

Guys can be nice, they can be respectable and not lead in with requests for sexual activity. Nice guys can also be creepy, even if it’s unintentional. It’s impossible to know who I’m rejecting when I do so, or I have to take the risk and hope I don’t end up with a stalker. Dating isn’t an exact science, if it is one at all. Maybe I’ll let fate work its magic, and pursue the relationship that just feels right when it comes along.

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