My visit to a doctor over the weekend revealed a truth I didn’t want to think about, but now that I’m aware of it, I’m a little more conscious about it.
After I was asked to step on the scale to get my weight, I mentally chanted a wish for that weight to not be over a certain number. Unfortunately, my weight was over that number.
Thinking back on it, I’m disappointed in myself, in my apathy and all else.
Once upon a time, Japan Today had a forum, and it was similar to Reddit but frequented by trolls and shit-posters in addition to people who actually were intelligent and caring. I was probably an intelligent, caring shit-poster over there.
After I built up an addiction to playing Dance Dance Revolution in the comfort of my own home, I considered using it for weight loss by utilizing the floor mat. Because I was trying to lose weight, I wanted advice from others on what I should do, not to mention I wanted cheerleaders to encourage me. I started a thread on the Japan Today forums, vaguely tracking my weight and otherwise getting what I felt I needed for success.
Of course, I fell off the wagon.
My Dad passed away, and while the cause of death should have given me more encouragement, I was too caught up in grieving and figuring out how to navigate life without a paternal figure in my life.
Not to mention, at some point I just said to myself that I was happy as I was, that I loved my body and was going to accept it.
That was probably the most effort I put into losing my weight. In the time since then, I’ve gone back and forth between wanting to lose weight and accepting my body. Unfortunately, I didn’t do anything to maintain the weight I had at that time, and since then I’ve added about… oh, 50 pounds, give or take. Spread that out and I’ve gained about 5 pounds a year since I tried losing the weight I started with. I guess that’s not too bad, I mean, if you figure I probably gained more weight after losing my Mom, and then sat around being mostly unemployed for the past couple of years, I probably gained the most weight in recent times.
Wait, why am I saying “that’s not too bad?” That’s literally giving up on life, which I pretty much did do, I’ll admit. With my parents’ mortality confirmed, it signaled that I would die as well one day. So then, why did I need to care what I ate, or if I got any exercise?
Now the idea of going to Japan worries me. Japan has a Metabo Law which states that employees can’t be too overweight or the company will be fined. The country as a whole is rather health-conscious. And I would have to lose a lot of weight before I could ever fit into any clothes sold in Japan.
Just the same, going to Japan excites me. I feel like I’ll be away from processed foods that are cheap and easy to come by over here. Living in a city means walking everywhere, even if it’s just to and from the train station. The only way I could gain weight is if I do absolutely no exploration of the new world around me, and that would be wasting my time in Japan.
But I don’t have to weight… I mean, I don’t have to wait to go to Japan to start trying to change things. I just have to put a conscious effort into it and not back down.
Yes, there will be days when junk food will tempt me. I’ll have to decide if I want to avoid it, taste a small bit of it, or carpe diem and seize the entirety of what’s there.
The most important thing I need to do is to get in motion! I should probably do something more strenuous than just walking around, but walking is a start. I have a Zumba game and two Dance Central games for my Xbox 360, so that’s an indoor option if I feel so inclined.
As for monitoring my weight, I should probably do it only once a week. Back in the day, I was checking my weight every morning, and it added to my discouragement when I’d remain steady at a particular weight. If I check my weight less often, I might see results.
But I won’t follow any of those fitness encouragement accounts on social media. Those annoy me! I get it, whoever makes those must be on a runner’s high, and it must be the greatest feeling ever. But if you’re like me and won’t be running until things bounce and jiggle less than they do now, you just want encouragement for still trying.
I just have to wonder where I’m storing the extra weight. Unless my clothes fit more loosely, I do still fit into the same size I had in high school, when I was crowned the prom queen. Yes, a fat girl was the prom queen, I’m that awesome. But now I have to be more awesome and lose the weight.