Confession Time! Too Much Distance, Not Enough Relationship

If you’ve been here a while, at least since February, then you know I had my heart set on someone. Trying to do something meaningful, I ended up recording myself singing to the song More Than Words while playing the Playstation karaoke game SingStar, and that was my Valentine’s Day gift to him. Then White Day rolled around, and I had nothing in return.

If you’ve also seen me talk about “my friend from Japan,” then I have to confess that he was my valentine.

He wrote to me on OKCupid, which I joined about a week after my fiancé and I ended our three-year relationship. In hindsight, joining so suddenly was a bad move, but I still felt like I had love that I had to give to someone, my heart was full and I needed to pour it out. It was a hectic time for me, as that was when I was losing the apartment and the job I just barely started in addition to losing my fiancé. I should have taken everything a day at a time, and here I was, looking to fill a void and hopefully doing so for the rest of my life.

Needless to say, meeting someone on a dating site sets up a certain expectation. I didn’t mind, because falling for someone in Japan was in line with my goals for the future, at least in the sense that it would motivate me to not give up on my dream of going to Japan. But the more we talked, the more I found out that he wants to live in the States, at least because I already live here, and yet he didn’t want to live in my area. He wants to have kids, but I’ve always been against the idea of giving birth, though I might reconsider if I found the right guy and had a decent marriage.

Our differences were an issue, of course, but I was willing to bend as long as I got to see Japan and everything else seemed just right. An issue I faced is that I wasn’t good at something I’ll refer to as “arguing in Japanese.” Okay, I’m an Aries, I’ve spent the better part of my life arguing with a fellow fire sign, my brother who’s a Leo. I can get pretty passionate when something means something to me. I also have a history of people disrespecting me, not to mention I’m trying not to be the doormat I used to be. So if I have an opinion, I’m going to express it! The problem with that is, Japanese people argue in such a way that maintains harmony between the two people who are arguing. My issue is that, even if I see the point that the other person is trying to make, I’m not the best at expressing that, and I go right into what I want to say next.

Such issues have led to periods where he wouldn’t respond to my e-mails. As an American, that usually means the person is done with you and they’re too much of a coward (or at least, non-confrontational) to properly end things with you. The longest period that that happened was a month, and yes, I thought he had ended things. So I was irritated when he wrote back, ignoring the message I had sent to him, and just asking about things in my life without directly asking about me. Recently, it was a week of him saying nothing, then writing to me to wish me a happy birthday, only to go silent again.

Recently, a lot has gone on in my life, to the point where spending the day away from the house I’m staying in has been a vacation. The week prior to my birthday was spent with a child who was a manic-depressive handful, and he’s only 6. The day after my birthday, I received word that I was invited for a follow-up interview for a company I would be honored to work for, so I was super excited about that. A couple of days ago, I got a phone call out of the blue for an interview with another company. I cannot say I’ve been bored lately.

The interview situation was a mess. When I got the call to come in for an interview, the interview was the very next morning so they could fit me in before meeting with their client that I’d be working for. It sounded like a guaranteed position, if I accepted the job that very day. But I still had the other appointment, so I chose to do the other interview and see how things went from there. However, I’m not guaranteed to still have the first position in a week, a job I would have been starting Tuesday morning if I agreed to work for them. The friend I’m staying with said I should take the position, and then quit if I get the other job. Unfortunately, taking the first job means I’ll have to go to work and miss the interview for the other job altogether.

I wrote to my Japanese friend and asked him what he would suggest, though I was certain he would tell me I should have taken the guaranteed job. He basically told me not to ask him, and that I’d do whatever I wanted anyway. With an answer like that, I might as well do what I believe to be in my best interests. I gave him as much information as I could about both jobs, hoping for at least a debate or for his thoughts either way.

That’s when I could tell the light had faded, and that he was done with me. So I responded by ending things between us.

Regardless of whether I do whatever I want to do or not, I would rather have people ask questions about my options and actually have a debate. If someone tells me, “oh, I would have done this if I were you,” yes I ignore that because I feel like they don’t have all of the information that I have. Yeah, I keep saying “guaranteed job versus other job,” and I know everyone would say, “should’ve taken the sure thing” without asking for more information.

And no, you don’t know everything about My Japanese Friend. I don’t even know everything about him. But things were fun while they lasted, and if nothing else, it was a nice way to heal my broken heart. My heart really isn’t broken after ending things with My Japanese Friend, because if I’m giving him something he wants and it makes him happy, then it’s enough for me. And I learned a few things about love and relationships with Japanese men, so I’ll be a bit more prepared if something happens when I get over there.

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2 thoughts on “Confession Time! Too Much Distance, Not Enough Relationship

  1. Pingback: Self-Awareness Exercises, Question Four | Ascension of Luna

  2. Pingback: Wait, What? The Retraction To The Confession! | Ascension of Luna

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