The apartment is trashed.
When I first moved in, I had been keeping the place somewhat tidy. Somehow, it seemed so easy to do, but maybe I was able to keep it so tidy because I didn’t have much in the apartment at the time.
At some point, it didn’t come as easily to keep the place clean. Maybe it was losing that extra day off, when my 10-hour days went back to 8-hour days at work, and I just needed a day to myself to do absolutely nothing. But then it was knowing that I still had things at J’s place, and just thinking about the effort it would take to pack things into my car and then bring them here and then climb the stairs to the second floor,… I’d be exhausted before even heading over.
I think part of it just came from the time I spent talking to that Filipino guy. It was a drug, being given massive amounts of praise that I barely felt I deserved, but then I’d have to wait a few days to receive more praise. Yeah, sure, it’s the highs and lows of infatuation or whatever, but I was losing myself in it. I was eating more after work, even getting fast food. I was trying to figure out if there was any way I could get him to write back to me sooner, or if delaying my replies would help keep me from hitting the lows. At the start of May, however, he was going back to his family and spend more time with his son, and I suspect there’s a significant other in there as well. Now without him for a month, I’m actually doing better.
I tried for a promotion at work. I had a feeling that it would cause me to lose my weekends, and I learned I was correct to think that once I found out what the intended schedule would be. Well, I had a limited selection of attire that could be remotely considered professional, and I knew I had a few things at J’s that I might also need, including my portfolio (basically a leather-like zippered binder that I use as a fancy résumé holder). Although I did move quite a few things during the weekend before I was invited to the interview. I assumed I would still have another weekend to prepare, which I did not. So while I did fairly well on the interview, I went in unprepared (by my standards, anyway), but did not get the position. I can’t even say I failed this, because the person who got the position was my trainer for the job. I’d feel worse, and definitely confused, if I knew I was chosen instead of her.
Following my attempt at a promotion, I spent the next two weekends getting my stuff out of J’s. All I lack are things that need special handling.
I have my television in the apartment, which I went without for over 4 months. I’m impressed by that, however I was substituting my computer in that time, using my phone as a hotspot so I could get on the internet and watch YouTube and Hulu, and using the disc drive to watch DVD movies. With the television back in my possession, and with the Playstation 4 hooked up once more, I’ve been filling my free time with video games and Blu-ray movies. Unable to get the PS4 to detect my phone as a hotspot, I’ve played through Kingdom Hearts 3 without the obligatory day-one update that all games have these days, though without that update, I’ve missed part of the ending of the game (it was announced that that update was needed because the ending had been expanded upon). Another thing to note is how annoying the PS4 is when it doesn’t have an internet connection; while I can play video games and such, I can’t turn the console on with the controllers, and I have dialog boxes that pop up to tell me it’s not connected to the internet when I just want to see the trophy I earned (the data of which would be saved offline regardless). I do feel somewhat happier now, though I’m not sure if the endorphins were fired off because I’ve made the effort of moving such things into the apartment, or if the little victories that come as you progress through a video game are the reason why I feel pretty good right now.
I mean, I’ve also lost floor space. Part of that is due to laziness, I’ll admit, as I haven’t actually done anything with some of the bags that I’ve carried in. But I have more of my stuff here! But… I’ve been living without it… And with most of the bags, I was sorting through things at J’s, with the intent of maybe throwing away things that I might not want anymore. At best, sorting through things allowed me to see what I had and where I had it, so when I was removing bags from the car, I could prioritize certain ones (especially since I didn’t want to leave candles in the car if an exceptionally warm day was approaching). Of course, to make more space in the car, I had to remove bags as I got them here, and not knowing what I really wanted to do with the contents, I would just set the bag on the floor with the intent of taking care of it “later.” So now I have a labyrinth, and a cat who’s bored because he can’t bat around his toys as well as he used to. Needless to say, I’m in the process of fixing that.
I was running out of space in the closet as well, not for storing stuff, but just for hanging clothes. I didn’t mind, as I figured it might entice me to get rid of more clothes. I had intended to leave my closet rack thingy at J’s, the thingy that I got when I lived at Libra’s, but J wanted me to bring it to the apartment. And put it where? Widthwise, it goes from the closet doorway to the door of the refrigerator, so it actually fits without interfering too much. I put all my t-shirts on the rods, which leaves the actual closet for my dresses, skirts, and everything else that I don’t wear often. On the side shelves, I have the bins I’ve been using for my socks, underwear, and my pajamas, and everything feels a little more spread out, like there’s a little more room to breathe. Granted, the rack still takes up floor space, but it’s actually quite helpful to have it here… don’t tell J, because I was trying to leave it there to help him out, but his insistence on me keeping it has helped me out a bit.
This weekend, I attended the annual festival in my hometown on Saturday, then today I spent some time putting things away and reclaiming some of that floor space I’ve lost. I still have a lot to do around the apartment, like I’ve been neglecting to clean the stove, but I feel so much better now that it’s hard to explain. It’s like, yeah I have to clean the stove, but knowing I don’t have to get dressed and go to J’s to get more things, I won’t feel like I’m blowing him off if I decide to clean the stove instead, and I probably won’t shut down and do nothing at all because I won’t feel like I’m pulled in so many directions that require me to spend a lot of time and energy.
I have to say, if this much is the start of a new chapter, then so far it feels pretty decent. There may not be a new love on the horizon, or a new job, but there have been changes, and it feels like progress is being made. Let’s embrace this and hope for the best, shall we? life