Tag Archive | Mr Smith

Road Trip Part Three (Amore And More? Part Four)

Our story so far involves J dating again, and in response I planned a trip to meet a guy I’ve known a while but only online. As part of the trip, I figured I would stop in Edgewater, NJ so I could go to Mitsuwa Marketplace once again.

After my stop to the bookstore and the shop that sells almost everything else you would want from Japan, I headed into the supermarket. My goal was to only buy things I wanted or might need, things that I couldn’t easily get in Syracuse at one of the local Asian grocery stores, and since I was far from home I couldn’t get anything that required some kind of refrigeration.

I got some makings for okonomiyaki, such as the powdery nori (basically seaweed sprinkles) and fried flour bits (think of it as tiny batter drippings that are fried). The special okonomiyaki flour was about the same price as what I pay around here, so there was no point in buying more.

There are hard candies flavored like some of Suntory’s beverages such as Dekavita C and CC Lemon, which I first bought from Mitsuwa though I never tried looking for some of the other beverage flavors. I couldn’t buy any more CC Lemon while I was there, but I did get another bottle of Dekavita C, and I found the cherry drink and the honey and lemon drink that are also featured flavors of the hard candies. The cherry drink was good, but of course I enjoy the hard candy as well.

I found Hello Kitty Pasta! Unlike the Rilakuma spaghetti I’ve purchased previously (which I didn’t find this time), the Hello Kitty pasta is shaped like Hello Kitty and flowers. It was $4, and it’s not even a pound of pasta, so I’m not sure if I want to eat it or keep it around for looks.

About $75 later, once it was all back home and in the pantry and elsewhere, I was asking myself what I bought. And yet, it’s been two weeks and I still haven’t consumed all of it.

Before I got back to the car, I got myself something for lunch. Previously when I’ve visited Mitsuwa, I was in the mindset that I only lived about 40 minutes away so there was easily a next time and it could be sooner than I could imagine. With that mindset, it didn’t matter what I bought to eat for lunch, because I’d be back again to try something else. This time, since it had been over a year since the last time I was at Mitsowa (which is hard to believe that time really passed that quickly), I figured that I had to get something worth the visit. I paced from one eatery to the next, trying to figure what I wanted. I settled on ramen, but I went for the combo that included natto. Oh yes, I was going for natto.

From what I’ve gathered, natto is pretty much the Vegemite of Japan. It’s an acquired taste that is seldom enjoyed by foreigners. Let me put it this way: imagine you’re eating beans, like kidney beans, but they’re in a sauce that requires fermentation… oh, and the sauce looks like the thin, stringy slime they use in movies depicting alien lifeforms. Natto is supposed to have a strong scent, from what I’ve heard, but my natto served on rice and topped with green onions was rather mild in taste and aroma. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it, and ended up not finishing my ramen because I just couldn’t eat anything else.

But then I got dessert on my way out the door, most of which traveled back to Syracuse with me. I ate the coffee jelly when I got to the storage unit, which was dumb of me because it was topped with ice cream. I knew it was topped with ice cream. For whatever reason, my brain thought it would be fine to wait that long before eating it. The ice cream was soup, of course, but it didn’t make a mess and was quite tasty as anticipated.

At the storage unit, it was lightly raining. As I packed the car, it seemed like a lot of things I had in storage were affected by the moisture in the air, as boxes seemed slightly damp and such. Well, my goal is to empty out the storage unit by the end of this year, maybe, so aside from a  few things I desperately wanted to get out to make sure they survived, I just loaded up the car with whatever was nearby. Within an hour, I was back on the road, and this time I was heading for home.

The whole trip was exhausting, but exciting. And I did find love, as I had hoped.

It wasn’t for my date, which I’m sorry to say and yet I don’t regret it. Being around him feels like being around my exes, which is only a bad thing because I wouldn’t be giving him the chance that Mr Smith probably deserves. And yet, maybe it’s just my inner workings being hyper vigilant and trying to avoid a repeat of the past, a past where I wasn’t happy, where the relationship I had really wasn’t what I wanted.

If anything, the love I found was for myself. I focused on what I wanted and what I needed to do. I did what made me happy. And I told people about it, because I wanted them to know that I found something that made me happy and they might enjoy it as well. I did things so that I wouldn’t walk away with regrets, or at least that I could say I tried. I met Mr Smith, and I had been wanting to meet him for a while, but now I know I like him as a friend and I don’t want to lose that. I tried natto. Heck, I spoke three words of Japanese to a vendor, which always made me nervous because I never wanted to assume that any Asian person was Japanese or could speak Japanese (and yes, it was a positive experience, or so it seemed).

Maybe it’s for the best if J’s house is just my home base for now. I can’t imagine it’s going to help my love life, as potential suitors might think J and I already have some kind of relationship and they might decide to not invest much time with me. But maybe I’m not supposed to be in love with anyone here, not even J. Maybe J exists to keep me from feeling lonely, to get me back on my feet and figure out where my life should go from here.

And maybe there’s an adventure in my future, a trip to Japan and not just a Japanese restaurant or supermarket. Why do I feel like I’m being called there?

And why have I really been brought back here to Syracuse? Because I could do without living with an unrequited love while he dates someone else. I never would have remembered I had a thing for him if I hadn’t moved back here. But I do have a good environment now, where I can think critically about anyone in my life. I know that J isn’t perfect, Mr Smith isn’t perfect, even J’s date isn’t all that wonderful.

Since I do have love for J, I do want him to be happy, and if it’s with his date and not me, it might be for the best. After all, getting tied down with J would only keep me in Syracuse. If I’m meant to be in Japan, then I need to be ready and willing for the opportunity when it comes my way.

So that was February, or at least the major parts of it. My birthday comes at the end of this month, and hopefully something exciting will happen between now and then. If not, I’ll find something to get excited about. Mark my words.

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Road Trip, Day One! (Amore And More? Part Two)

When we last left our heroes, J was dating, I was emotionally overwhelmed during his first date, and I wrote to an old friend who I haven’t yet met in person to see if he would like to meet. Unfortunately my friend said he was seeing someone, so I had to keep moving forward with life.

The next day, my friend (who we’ll call Mr Smith) wrote to me and said that he had called it off with the girl he was seeing. After that, we started making plans to meet.

Since the drive was so long, a stay in a hotel seemed like a good move for me. Actually, the long drive would put me fairly close to my storage unit in New Jersey, so the intelligent move was to not waste the distance I had traveled by just having a pleasure cruise. And as much as I’d have been grateful for the assistance, I had to turn down Mr Smith’s offer to help me load the car at the storage uni, mainly because I’d lose hauling capacity but I’d also have to go out of my way by a couple of hours to take him back home.

The week after I had first planned to visit, we were making plans for me to actually visit. However, I kept watching the weather, and the weather kept getting colder and snowier for my area. When the day came that I would have otherwise been heading out, the weather wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t bad. However, I was far from prepared because I had been anticipating precipitation, and opted not to pack or anything. He teased me and urged me to drive out anyway, asking what I really needed to bring with me. I kept my feet planted, because I knew if I rushed around to pack, I would definitely forget something.

I had another “weekend” the following week, and this was going to be my last chance, or so it seemed, because my days off were going to be separated again. Leading up to that date, I told Mr Smith that I had a little something happen to me, and asked if he could plan to not share the hotel room with me. He was fine with it, so while I knew that meant I’d have to foot the entire cost of the hotel, that also gave me flexibility as to where I wanted to stay.

And when I mapped out where I needed to be on this trip, the gears started turning. It was going to be an awesome trip, no matter what happened.

Thursday morning, the very day after Valentine’s Day, I set the alarm for and woke up at 6 am. I figured I would be cute and go down the servants stairs, but without any lighting, I missed the last step before the landing and, well, I landed on my knees. I’m still surprised I didn’t smack my face into the wall or land on my hands. I effortlessly got to my feet and continued down the stairs, but my thud was enough to make J ask if I was all right. I couldn’t be cute, or at least I couldn’t be quite as cute at that point.

I made him coffee, I made me coffee. I ate breakfast with him, catching a glimpse of the morning routine that I usually only heard from my room if I woke up before I wanted to be awake. Then I bid him farewell as he left for work, and I finished preparing for the two days I’d be away.

I was sure I had everything I needed. I had two pairs of jeans, despite the fact that I could have worn the same pair for both days and no one would have known. I had two shirts to choose from for Friday, or one could have been a spare if need be. I had at least three pairs of underwear, just in case my monthly visitor decided to riot against my toiletry of choice for such incidents. I had two or three pairs of socks packed, because who knows what could happen. I packed a bottle of sparkling apple juice, which I was going to share in the hotel to be cutesy and romantic, but the thought of just being fancy while I unwound for the night was equally appealing. I packed a can of pasta, a started bag of cheese curls, and two pudding cups, just in case I was hungry and needed to eat but didn’t want to spend money or didn’t want to put in the effort of finding food to buy. I packed a bottle of water, just in case I needed it for anything. I packed reusable shopping bags, in case I needed them when getting things out of storage. I grabbed my purse with my portable video game things, just in case I wanted to play on my Nintendo 3DS or my Sony PS Vita while in the hotel or something. I put everything by the door and took a picture of all the things I was taking with me for an overnight trip, and as I took that picture, I remembered I still had to grab a charging cable for my cell phone.

It was about 10 am when I was finally rolling out, so I told Mr Smith to expect me around 2. I stopped to the ATM to get cash for the trip, especially since I knew it would be so much easier to pay for gas. Oh, gas for the car, that would have been a brilliant idea. I had half of a tank full, so I figured I’d see how far I could get. I ended up having to stop in some place called Beaver Kill, where I put $20 in the tank and left before I could hear the banjos.

After I arrived, we talked for a bit, then we headed out for sushi. The place where we went to eat was empty, but in all fairness it was mid afternoon. We were served promptly, then we paid and headed into Connecticut. No, it wasn’t a long drive to Connecticut, it was like driving to the next town over. We played miniature golf at a place that was decorated with a monster theme and glowed in the dark. Since he had already told me it was glow in the dark golf, I prepared by wearing a shirt that has a design that appears when it glows. It was the perfect choice, and it made his day when he saw it. After that we walked around a nearby mall, but the later we stayed there, the more I could tell the coffee was wearing off and I had been awake for too long. I got him back to his house in one piece, and by that I mean I was in one piece, as it was dark and I couldn’t navigate the area as well as he could. When I had first arrived I got to meet his dad, and when I brought him back I got to meet his mom, and they’re both really nice people who probably think I’m insane for driving 4 hours to meet their son.

Maybe the insane thing I did involved driving through the outer part of the Bronx, then crossing the George Washington Bridge to get to my hotel. I could have stayed at a hotel where I would be 5 minutes away from my storage unit, but I chose a hotel that would be 5 minutes away from a stop I had to make because it was so close to my route. All I had to do was add the stop to my route.

Amour And More? Part One

Ah, February. I want to call it the month of love, but that seems obvious when you consider that Valentine’s Day is the midway point, it’s literally at the heart of the month. Hey, I rose to the occasion with the pun, and that one as well (rose? roses?).

Here in the Casa De J, Valentine’s Day was celebrated with us both getting a box of chocolates. I got him a tin that looked like Iron Man that was filled with chocolate, and since I wasn’t a fan of that brand of chocolate (regardless of the fact that they weren’t going to me), I bought him a bag of Valentine’s M&Ms as well. I got a Whitman’s Sampler box… from a Mr Smith, not from J. I didn’t get anything from J.

It’s been an interesting month, and I would have documented it sooner, but I’m still in the process of rearranging my bedroom.

I suppose I should begin somewhere. I feel like this is best told in two parts, his life and mine, yet it’s the overlapping events and emotions that connect the events of this month into a web of a story, it’s not simply linear. I will do my best to recap the whole thing, though any missing details are either for privacy or my brain skipped over them.

I suppose we should begin by saying that J is dating someone.

Their first date was spent here at the house, and it started before I had arrived home from work. When I got home, I presented myself and said a greeting, then I didn’t want to bother them or get in their way, so I excused myself and went to the kitchen to start doing dishes to pass the time. I don’t think I had been home for a full 10 minutes, in fact it felt like I had only been there for 5 minutes, and they were heading up to his bedroom.

I already had a weird feeling in my stomach prior to getting home, but suddenly I couldn’t settle down, I couldn’t do the dishes because I didn’t want to be standing or even in the kitchen, but I didn’t want to sit and play video games. I think a part of me wanted to be at the house, but part of me definitely wanted to leave and be somewhere else. I didn’t know where I wanted to go, though, or what I wanted to do. I just felt like, if I stayed I would have wished I had left, and if I left I might have wished I’d stayed.

I was supposed to be going out for karaoke and drinks with my cousin that night, but it was too early in the evening for me to get ready before we had planned on meeting, and I wasn’t going upstairs to get dressed while they were in his room, because I’d have to walk past his room to get to mine. I wasn’t sure what would bother me more, knowing they had to pause what they were doing because they heard me running around, or hearing what they were doing because they hadn’t paused for whatever reason. To be honest, I didn’t want to bother at all, but I was also not in the mood anymore to go out to karaoke.

I did leave the house. I put my boots back on, I got in my car and drove off to my favorite bakery where I got a piece of chocolate cake and an iced mocha. I hadn’t had dinner, but I was eating dessert. After I finished, I still didn’t know where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do, but I decided to drive past the house, only to find her car was still there. If I went back in, it would be like I had never left, so I drove to the mall. I found a decent parking spot in the underground garage, then sat in my car while trying to figure out what my next move was going to be.

I should add, I get this weird chill in my body a few times a day while at work, and I know it’s not from the air conditioning units because I don’t feel blowing air on my face or hands. Sometimes I feel that chill in my body when I’m at home. I felt that chill as I sat in my car, with the car turned off. Immediately after I felt the chill, I got a text from J saying that she had just left. I can’t explain anything about that chill, but just know that it happened.

I returned to the house. The scene that happened next could only be explained as me trying to verbally get out a feeling that I had no words to describe, and since I was overwhelmed, I was drawing from a place of fear. Thankfully, J was still on cloud nine, or at least he didn’t try to match my emotional output, because he remained calm and rational while I backed away from him when he tried to be affectionate towards me. It was as if I was processing everything he felt, as he later said he, too, felt scattered in that moment, but my mind was saying that any love or lust or whatever that I felt wasn’t aimed at me, even if it was.

I never went out for karaoke that night. I wasn’t in the mood to sing, or if I did, I’d have put too much emotion into it, and not the kinds of emotions you want to feel on a Saturday night. At least, I didn’t want to be that sad sap. But I was something sad, or depressed, or angry, or scared, or… something, even the next day when we went grocery shopping as usual. Then again, J has never yelled at me within the first 5 minutes of the drive to the store, threatening to drop me off at home and do the grocery run by himself because my company was less than pleasant. As we got closer to the store, he apologized for yelling at me, because he wished that he could make me feel better but didn’t know how. As we walked into the store, I turned to him and said that it was hard for me, because I wanted to be hugged and be comforted by the one person I had become too timid to hug. After we returned home and put away the groceries, I was starting to feel more like myself again, and I allowed him to hug me once more.

And I told him to change the sheets on his bed, I don’t sleep in his bed, but the thought of sitting where she might have been when they were, uh, cuddling,… I wasn’t comfortable with that. Thankfully, he honored my wishes.

Well, the whole thing cleared any doubts I had left, or at least most of them. So J is over the moon for this girl, and to be honest I am okay with it. But that means I should probably move on with my life. I can’t stay here forever, not while some part of me still thinks J and I should be a couple, and not while either one of us is in pursuit of a long-term romantic thing because potential partners may suspect we’re already a couple.

If it weren’t for the weather, I would have randomly driven to Patterson one day. Was it entirely the weather? At this point, I don’t think so, because I have a never-ending list of chores that I know I must do, and I probably did some of them instead that day. Nevertheless, I sent a message out of the blue to the friend who I was going to randomly try to meet for the first time, to let him know that I was randomly going to meet him. He asked me if it was a date, to which I asked if he wanted it to be one. He replied back and said that he was already in talks with this other girl, who he was going to meet in person sometime in May. I wished him well, then shrugged and figured the universe was punishing me for something and I was just going to deal with it.

But of course, it’s me, and I know the Powers That Be have a twisted sense of humor when it comes to my life.